Are Programs Filling A Relationship Gap?
[00:20] Programs Should Serve People
Programs can be incredibly valuable in church.
Sometimes we need structure to deliver a particular priority, accomplish a goal or help our church grow in a particular area.
The problem comes when we begin to worship the program—when the program itself becomes the answer rather than God and whatever he might be inspiring us to do.
Ultimately, the goal of every program should be the benefit and growth of the people in our churches.
Programs should serve people.
People shouldn't exist to serve our programs.
And it's possible that we wouldn't need quite so many programs if we did relationship really well.
[01:40] Are We Over-Prescribing Programs?
Sometimes pastors and ministry leaders can over-prescribe programs as the solution to a problem that might be better addressed by simply spending time with someone.
Mel remembers hearing about a senior pastor who would sometimes take an issue he'd experienced with one staff member during the week and turn it into something he addressed with the entire staff team.
Sometimes everyone does need to hear the same message.
But other times, we're making an entire group sit through something because of an issue involving one person.
A one-on-one conversation might achieve far more.
It creates an opportunity for context, understanding and genuine resolution.
[03:10] Does This Really Need a Program?
Churches can have the same response when we notice people struggling with something.
Someone needs help with forgiveness?
Let's create a short course.
We've noticed an issue within the congregation?
Let's preach a sermon series.
And sometimes that genuinely might be the right response.
But sometimes we're prescribing a program for an issue we've actually only noticed in one or two people.
Could we accomplish more by simply spending time with them?
Programs can require enormous amounts of time and energy to organise.
So before creating another one, perhaps the question should be:
Does this need a program—or does it need a relationship?
[04:10] Get Out of the Office
Ministry isn't supposed to happen entirely from behind a desk.
Mel shares the example of a ministry team that became convicted that they needed to spend more time with the people they were actually ministering to—particularly their leaders.
So they restructured their work week.
Meetings and administration happened in the morning.
From midday, they were out of the office.
They might organise lunch with a leader and use that time to disciple them, encourage them and journey alongside them.
The team was so committed to this way of working that they held one another accountable to it.
And the investment paid off.
Even beyond that team's tenure, the ministry flourished—and some of the people they had invested in eventually became its leaders.
That's a significant return on an investment of time.
[05:30] Is the Program Actually Creating Relationship?
There's another side to the problem.
Sometimes we create a program because we want to build community—and then fill the entire program with content.
A women's event designed to build relationships can become another opportunity to sit quietly and listen to someone give a 20-minute talk.
But if relationship is genuinely the purpose of the event, that should change how we design it.
Maybe we create more space for conversation.
Maybe there are questions around the tables.
Maybe people are given opportunities to share their experiences and hear from one another.
Maybe we intentionally facilitate relationships across generations.
If we're creating a program, we need to keep asking:
What is this actually for?
[06:40] Give People Space to Talk
People don't necessarily have many places where they can honestly voice what they're thinking and feeling.
And then we wonder why people take those thoughts and feelings to social media.
Perhaps smaller relational environments give people an opportunity to talk through what they're thinking before broadcasting it publicly.
Conversation gives people space to process.
It allows other people to listen, respond and sometimes help someone reconsider whether what they're feeling or believing is actually accurate.
That's another thing genuine community can provide that simply delivering more content cannot.
[07:30] Relationship Isn't Just Pastoral Care
When we talk about pastors leaving the office to spend time with people, it's easy to immediately categorise that as pastoral care.
But that's not necessarily what we're talking about.
Why not simply catch up with a congregation member because they're someone you want to journey with?
Discipleship is a process.
Our responsibility isn't simply to bring people to faith and then give them a rule book.
We're helping people grow towards maturity.
That requires journeying alongside people.
And relationship should be the primary purpose of our programs—not people becoming resources for maintaining the program.
[08:30] Relationship Doesn't Have to Be Complicated
Prioritising relationship may also mean churches don't need to stretch themselves across quite so many programs.
Relationship can happen in all sorts of ways.
Mel talks about discipling one person primarily over Zoom.
With another person, much of the relationship happens through text, with face-to-face catch-ups perhaps once every week or two.
Meaningful relationship doesn't necessarily require building an elaborate ministry structure around it.
Sometimes the simpler approach is also the more effective one.
[09:10] Don't Reduce Ministry to Tasks
Before jumping into creating another program, consider some much simpler alternatives.
Invite someone over for dinner.
Spend time with people during the working week.
Go and watch the football together.
Leadership and ministry shouldn't be reduced to a collection of tasks.
Relationships may be some of the highest-impact things we can invest in during our week.
We can spend enormous amounts of time thinking about strategies for recruiting volunteers, developing leaders and creating healthy churches.
But doing relationship well may actually help resolve many of those other challenges.
[10:10] Is Preaching Really Our Most Influential Ministry?
Church leaders can sometimes assume the most influential thing they do is preach.
But perhaps the most influential thing we can do is live out what we preach and allow people to see it.
That's what relationship makes possible.
It's also what Jesus did with his disciples.
He didn't simply deliver teaching to them.
They lived alongside him.
They watched him.
They saw how he responded to people and situations.
They were able to learn from what they observed and eventually replicate it themselves.
Discipleship happened through proximity.
[11:10] Who Actually Influenced You?
Think about the people who have had the greatest influence on your own life.
Often, it wasn't simply someone who delivered a great message from a platform.
It was someone who walked alongside you.
Mel reflects that she can't remember a single sermon preached by some of the people who have influenced her most through church.
But she can remember how they responded when she told them something.
She remembers how they were there when she was struggling.
Sometimes they were beside her before she'd even asked them to be.
Those are the things that made a lasting difference.
That's high-impact ministry.
[12:20] Are We Overvaluing the Platform?
Church culture can sometimes elevate highly visible forms of ministry while undervaluing ordinary relationship.
We can place enormous value on preaching, platforms or impressive prophetic moments while overlooking the influence of simply walking alongside someone.
And when leaders remain at arm's length from their congregations, people also lose the opportunity to learn by watching them.
Relationship gives people access to something a platform can't provide:
a life they can observe.
Perhaps we've overvalued some of the highly visible parts of ministry and undervalued the quiet work of doing relationship with people.
So before prescribing another program, ask a simpler question:
Could we accomplish this by being friends?